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I try to carry a digital camera with me at all times, because I have missed far too many funny pictures in the past. This one did not escape.

I took the above picture from the sidewalk in front of the Adidas store at 5th and Pike in downtown Seattle. The front door was open, and these perky torsos were nearly poking their way out the entrance. This is understandable, as from the looks of it, that is one very cold store.

Nipples serve as both a food source for young mammals and as a source of fascination for older (generally male) mammals. I freely admit that I consider myself a fan, but nipples…on mannequins…what purpose could they possibly serve?

One theory is that women want to know how badly they will “nip out” in a particular garment, and these dummies serve to show them the worst-case scenario. Another theory is that they are designed for the visual pleasure of men who would otherwise have very little to do while being dragged through a store by a woman shopping for activewear. A cynic might invert the first theory and say that they are there to show a woman who is proud of her pea-smuggling abilities exactly what to expect when she dons that shirt. As a cynic, I take that third theory as gospel.

Whatever their purpose, there is clearly something wrong with how the Adidas folks implemented them. Look closely to the image below, which is a zoomed-in on one of the three mannequins:

One of those nipples is either misplaced or it is migratory. This sort of asymmetry in a person isn’t that unusual. In a manufactured midriff, however, it is just downright odd. Maybe they are like Mr. Potato Head parts and can be positioned in one of several places on each breast. It is going to be difficult to not go into that store and try moving one tomorrow.

June 19, 2007 Update: I walked by this store today and noticed that the mannequin display had been completely changed. The new setup is comprised entirely of male mannequins that show no signs that they even possess nipples. It is highly unlikely that I had anything to do with this, but the timing sure is funny. Good times!